Are you born again or spiritually asleep?

I spent a good chunk of my life spiritually asleep. I wasn't walking with Jesus even though I went to church every Sunday. I went because I was required to by my parents. They got me baptized as an infant following their church's traditions. I don't think it made me a better person or helped me desire to know and honor God. I was often punished for my behaviors. I fell into many temptations - and didn't feel remorse at the time of committing them.

The late evangelist, Billy Graham, said "Your father and mother can be the greatest born again Christians in the world, but that doesn't make you a born again Christian. I can be born in a garage, but that doesn't make me a motor car". (to watch the full sermon click here).

“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping." Mark 13:35-36

It wasn't my performance or adherence to religious obligation and duties that led me to a thirst for God. It was a difficult divorce, uncertainty in life, and pressures to be a loving mother to my young kids. I was DESPERATE for help that I couldn't get from people around me, or new age self-help practices that I researched and attempted. I didn't know I could talk to God anytime of the day or night, and he'd hear me. I didn't know God could communicate back with me: a broken sinful human.

I was fed up with religion and never measuring up to anyone's standards.

Jesus heard me. He saw me. He ran towards me!

I cried a lot when I felt God's presence, and believe that was his love releasing my pain I had stuffed inside for years. It was incredible to allow Jesus and the Holy Spirit in my heart and soul. In the moments I spent alone with him, I forgot about my fears and anxieties.

I didn't follow any steps from anyone. It was still difficult to let go of control and not try to fix all of my problems while I impatiently waited for God to answer my prayers. I looked up and didn't know what would happen next.

Listening to a nudge in my heart to go ahead and make that public declaration of my faith, I decided to get water baptized. I felt empowered to make my own choices that were good for me, and connected me to my Loving Creator. I wasn't a robot controlled by him, as I still had free will and sinned after starting this journey. I was more aware and felt convicted quickly after sinning. It's hard to describe it, because it wasn't a harsh voice telling me I was bad, it was a feeling I had distanced myself, by choice, from God.

Today, I often converse with and ask to hear from the Holy Spirit. I'm learning that I can trust him because he raised Jesus from the dead! and also helps grow the fruits of the Spirit in me (Gal. 5:22-23). He knows my future, and will guide and redirect me when I fail. I rejoice that God is happy to do life with me, and that I can find the truth about who He is in His Word, the Bible.

But the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. Psalm 147:11